One of the misconceptions about relationships is that, when thereâ€™s love and attraction and lust and desire, that keeping the passion is easy. This is not true. Passion takes work. Let me ask you what you would rather have: an active love life or a passionate love life? The answer is probably … BOTH! But really, what good is action without passion?
Before you think about passion, think about your partner. Is this the right person? Is it worth the work to stay passionate? What are the traits that you admire about your partner? Sometimes you have to go back: How did you meet and why did you find this person attractive in the first place? Start from the bottom up and build a strong foundation. Make sure this is the right person. Make sure you know the reason you want to keep the passion alive. Thatâ€™s the beginning.
Make an Effort Together
As relationships progress, couples tend to get stuck in routines. Many times, these routines involve each person doing his or her own thing. One key to breaking the routine is to communicate end goals together. What do you want to accomplish? Where do you want this relationship to go? Taking the time to create goals together is paramount. And not just relationship goals, like â€śtwo kids by 35,â€ť or life goals, like â€śindependently wealthy by 43.â€ť Smaller goals too. Just doing things together, like exercising together or building something. When you talk about your goals, you will probably find similarities. Maybe youâ€™ll write a book together. Maybe youâ€™ll both want to learn to ballroom dance?
Turning Off Can Be A Turn On
Most of us work hard and take pride in a job well done. When we get home, some of us keep working and others shut down completely, and just plop on the couch. To keep passion alive, itâ€™s important to turn off work mode, but only in a way that lets you be with your partner both physically and emotionally. Some call this â€śquality time.â€ť This is hard to do. You have to be willing to expendÂ a little energy after a tough day at work. You have to listen to what your partner says. You might even miss a television show you like.
Work At It
Individuals all have their own needs and wants. If you can listen to your partner and tend to his or her wants, then you are on your way to keeping the passion. But itâ€™s not all about your partner. What can you do to tell your partner how you feel, but make it something that is distinctly you? If you play an instrument, then write a song. If you are an artist, then paint a picture. If you enjoy working on your motorcycle, then take your partner for an evening ride. If you garden, pick the perfect zucchini. It doesnâ€™t matter; it just has to be about the other person and about you. Go the extra mile. Carve out time to be together.
Thereâ€™s an opportunity every day to do something for your partner. Doing something every day will help keep the passion alive longer. When couples stop smooching in the kitchen or stop winking across the room is when the passion fades.
Take Turns Planning Dates
Having dates is the first step. Couples should make time for each other every so often. But to keep from doing the same old thing over and over, couples can take turns planning dates. This is a fun way to keep the passion alive, and it may offer a little friendly competition to one-up the other. Doing this right involves taking into account what your partner really enjoys doing.
Surprise your partner with a gift or a gesture. This will keep your partner on his or her toes … in a good way. Itâ€™s also important to surprise yourself. Plan activities that neither of you would normally do. This spontaneity is what passion is all about. When you run out of surprises, you start to run out of passion. Overcome your fears, but overcome them together.
All of the above steps involve really knowing your partner. And you canâ€™t really know your partner if you donâ€™t listen to your partner. Itâ€™s possible to find time every day to talk, even if itâ€™s only for 15 minutes. When you talk, itâ€™s important not to only talk, but to listen to what your partner is telling you. Communication is key, as the saying goes, but communication is what intimacy is all about. Communication brings connection, openness, and vulnerability. Listening will keep the passion alive forever.